Kindred spirits – Are you from South Africa?

Whilst sitting at an Italian coffee shop in Malindi (click here if you’re curious about the history of Italians in Malindi) we were approached by a woman in her sixties who was sitting nearby slurping spaghetti. We were both surprised when her American accent asked us if we were from South Africa and how it was we are brave enough to ride a motorbike on these crazy roads. Once the surprise at her not being Italian had passed, we progressed into a ”have you been to…” conversation, happily comparing notes on where our next destination is and where we’ve been. This couple is travelling the globe, hopping from country to country volunteering their services, him as a physical therapist and her fixing computers. Every now and then they go home for a while till they’ve decided on the next destination. Attracted to rich culture, art, and music they’re not afraid of developing world experiences and simple accommodation – “as long as it has running water,” she said smiling. They’re also not afraid of leaving when it’s not proving to be fun. I relearned so much from this short encounter:-

1. Start the conversation.

Being curious often means that I have questions, but I often leave them unanswered inside my head. Start by asking a question. What started out as a question about our nationality ended in connection and delight at meeting a kindred spirit who wants to fully live life and experience it to the full. I was left inspired and delighted.

2. Let it flow.

It didn’t take long to find common ground with this open-hearted and open-minded Californian. This common ground was found through questions, patience, and no attachment to the outcome of the conversation. We let the conversation flow and remained engaged with what was being said without wondering why or wanting to prove what or who we are. Claudia didn’t get to hear about 7 t-shirts each and what work we’re doing as we travel, and it didn’t matter. We were left richer for the experience.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

Our brains are pattern-making machines and of course, it is natural for the organ that controls every process that regulates our body to automatically sift and sort information to make the world a physically and emotionally safe place for us. This however often does not serve us. It creates biases and stereotyping, shutting out the truth and offering us perceptions and deceptions.

Assumptions hinder our ability to relate to others. If we assume we know about others or how they think, feel, and will behave, we stop listening and communicating. Listening and communicating are the foundation of connection. Is it the base that builds belonging, community, and understanding.

4. Kindred spirits are everywhere

Fear of the unknown means that it is either easier to ‘other’ those people who are different from us or we ignore them but when we actively seek kindred spirits we start speaking to others and bridging the divide. I particularly love Brene Brown’s four elements of true belonging, which she also defines as daily practices and which are poignant to this story.

She says:

1. People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.

2. Speak Truth to Bullshit. Be Civil.

3. Hold Hands. With Strangers.

4. Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.

5. Come from a place of love not fear.

These attitudes and practices not only make it easier for me to be in a foreign country with no home to go back to. No safe place to retreat to. They can also bring more personal fulfilment and belonging into everyone’s lives so take note and maybe pick your top 2 to begin with?