The coffee shop connection: A story about Cultivating Connection

We always saw the same person at one of our favourite coffee shops. Days turned into weeks, and months passed as we left Thailand, lived in Seoul and the UK, and then returned. Yet, there he was, the same smiling, friendly face.

Our story could have ended there. We were from different cultures, spoke different languages, and it would have been easy for me to assume he wouldn't want to connect. But that's not what @7tshirtseach is about. We teach people how to cultivate connection, so I plopped myself at his table and said, "Hi, I'm Ingrid, and I'd love to know your story."

I can't say a word in Chinese (if we'd been in China, we would have at least learned some essential words, as for us, this is the least we can do when in someone else's country), so out came Google Translate. In that moment, a bridge was built. We connected across language, culture, and lived experience. For me, this is what nomad work life is truly about: finding new people in the middle of my workday and wanting to know more about them.

Humans often stay in our comfort zones, ignoring those around us, but it's such a pity. We miss out on opening up our world to new relationships, friendships, experiences, and other people's worlds. Connection is a fundamental human need, and learning to cultivate it is a skill we can all practice, so here are some of our learned wisdom that can be used personally and in cross-cultural teams.

5 Things to do to cultivate connection based on cross-cultural research and communication theory

1.    Embrace curiosity with an open mindInstead of making assumptions, approach new people and situations with a genuine open heart and mind. Set aside assumptions and stay curious. Cross-cultural communication theory suggests that a curious mindset helps you see differences as learning opportunities rather than barriers. As our story shows, asking a simple question like "What's your story?" can open up a world you never knew existed.

2.    Practice active listening and seek clarification. In any conversation, especially one crossing a language or cultural barrier, active listening is essential. Don’t only pay close attention to what the other person is saying, also read body language and gestures, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification or change tack. The communication theory of Anxiety and Uncertainty Management highlights that reducing uncertainty in a new interaction is key to building a relationship. Whilst my new friend does speak some English, I quickly noticed discomfort in not being able to communicate clearly, so I suggested using Google Translate. It is a great example of actively trying to bridge a gap to ensure mutual understanding. During our time in India, Vietnam, Kuala Lumpur, Indonesia, and Kenya, to name but a few, we’ve had many connecting conversations using only gestures, expressions, and wearing a friendly face. Which brings me to the next point.

3.    Be mindful of non-verbal cues. Communication is more than just words. Research shows that non-verbal cues like body language, gestures, and eye contact can have different meanings in different cultures. While it's impossible to know all the nuances, being aware that these differences exist can help you avoid miscommunication. Whenever we’re in a new country, we spend a lot of time observing first. We watch interactions between the locals, how things are done, how different ages and stages speak to each other, and what the interaction looks like with foreigners. It is all about watching for subtle cues and being willing to adapt your own gestures and behaviour to show respect.

4.    Avoid assumptions and generalisations. One of the biggest obstacles to connection is stereotyping. While it's helpful to be aware of cultural differences, it's crucial to remember that every person has different roots and shoots as an individual. Cross-cultural adaptation theory emphasises that successful adaptation comes from seeing people as individuals without their context, not your own, and yet also remembering that they are not just members of a specific group. Connection to people needs to be based on their unique personality and actions, not on preconceived notions.

5.    Focus on shared humanity. Despite our cultural and linguistic differences, we all share fundamental human emotions and experiences, so look for common ground. It could be a shared love for coffee, a passion for travel, or the universal language of a smile. Practice caution when it comes to humour, but that’s a whole different article. Suffice to say that humour differs across cultures, and what I find funny may be different for another culture. By focusing on our shared humanity, however, we can create a foundation of trust and empathy that transcends any differences and builds meaningful connections.

Connections are more than just friendly chats; they are doorways to new worlds. By taking a small step out of our comfort zone, we allow for a greater understanding of a place and a way of life that extends far beyond what a guidebook could ever offer. Our conversations with new people often teach us about things to watch out for (We’ve avoided traffic fines, VISA issues, and angry cops thanks to this.) We’ve found local spots to see and places to eat that we would never have found had we not made new connections. My new coffee shop friend led to one of those unexpected journeys that I love. He shared his blog with me, and thanks to Google Translate, I found myself getting an incredible insight into another person's experiences, way of thinking, music, and a different articulation. I would never have looked at a Chinese-based blog on my own accord, but making a new connection meant I was interested, and my world opened up a little more. #CultivatingConnection #CrossCulturalCommunication #HumanConnection