Is graciousness and conviviality possible at a roadblock?

I watched as the traffic policeman put his finger to his lips behind his mask, shaking his head in a gesture telling the argumentative Russian tourist, to stop arguing.

I saw Thai person after Thai person, without a helmet or driver's license, graciously pull over, either shrug or admit with a smile that they had just been caught. There was a sense of conviviality, laughter, shakes of heads, and a handover of their keys to their bike or car to go join the payment queue with no trouble.

Those who didn’t have money with them called someone to bring them money. I witnessed a couple of uniformed schoolchildren patiently standing on the side of the road waiting for money to arrive from a relative or friend. One youngster stood for over an hour waiting for the fine payment – which was a far longer average wait time than most in the queue.

Riders are pulled over to the side of the road, and once a transgression is established, the vehicle keys are taken from the owner on the spot. The person is directed to a collection point a couple of meters away and they join the queue to pay. They are given their keys back once proof of payment is shown. There is no need for a collection system. No outstanding fines. No argument. Either you comply with the law or you’re fined on the spot.

Whilst this may seem harsh to some I also saw mercy. I watched a Thai couple on a bike with the passenger holding crutches being pulled over. Neither was wearing helmets and the policeman took a look at their tires after pointing to his head indicating missing helmets. The passenger holding the crutches pulled out a piece of paper, I’m guessing showing proof of a doctor's appointment and the policeman waved them off while wagging his finger at them with a clear warning. I also saw bikes transporting aged passengers that were waved through.

The 15 traffic policemen on duty had a morning of smiles, nods, and doing their jobs with grace. There was a connection between them and the community who knew they’d done wrong and conceded with no anger. No violent tempers. No swearing. No huffing. I wish I had been able to film the human exchanges as the friendliness and laughter were beyond this South African’s comprehension!

The only argument I witnessed was from an angry Russian tourist who was not wearing a helmet and didn’t have a valid international driver's permit. He didn’t heed the convivial ssshhh gestures from the policeman and then suddenly there were three policemen surrounding him and his bike was swiftly wheeled away. None of the policemen reflected his anger. All three policemen used the same shushing gesture and shook their heads with a wagging finger. His anger had nowhere to go other than to join the line to pay.

Lessons I learned from witnessing graciousness at a roadblock:-

Travel allows you to see different ways of doing things and different ways of behaving.

There are other operating systems that can be put in place that can cut out payment collections and administration.

We can learn from other countries. It doesn’t have to be done the old way, or our way.

A roadblock can be a rewarding experience.

* The policeman gets a morning of smiles, laughter, and a feeling of satisfaction that they caught the ‘perps’.

* The ‘perps’ get a friendly reminder that they need to heed the rules and there are consequences if they don’t.

* The Traffic department gets an immediate cash injection with no need to follow up on outstanding payments (please don’t ruin my story with thoughts of corruption, you’ll taint my experience of happy policing for all).

It is possible to have a horrible situation of getting a traffic fine by connecting when we bring our humility and humour to the fore.

Anger and argument make for an unpleasant experience not only for the policeman and the transgressor but also for witnesses and the policeman’s colleagues. Once the Russian tourist was marched off to the payment line, the policemen who had bandied together in the altercation had a quick team reassurance moment. One squeezed the other’s arm and the other gave a pat on the shoulder.

Facing a potentially uncomfortable job like fining people – even school girls – is made easier when there is teamwork and mutual support and respect.

When you know you’ve broken a rule, own it, admit it, and pay the penance with grace. It may not always be a fine, but there are consequences so own that, they are yours to bear.

Graciousness is contagious. When a man climbs off his bike, looks the policeman in the eye, smiles, and shows two empty hands to him indicating he doesn’t have his license, there is a smile back and while a ticket is being written out there is friendly banter between the two men.

The origin of the word conviviality comes from Latin con-viver which simply means living together. The noun form—convivium—refers to common life around the table.

* Conviviality’s foundation is in respect, relationships, and reciprocity.

* Conviviality is crucial for creating a harmonious yet changing society.

* Conviviality’s qualities allow us to be open to the many different "lived experiences" in our shared life based on mutual respect and communication.

Graciousness and conviviality did not suddenly appear in Thailand. These are everyday practices that start in the family environment, are embedded in the culture at school, and are at play every day - clearly from this example in every way.

The art, science, and practice of gracious cohabitation calls for a deliberate approach to learning alongside one another and engaging in conversation with one another - no matter how different we are - to encourage transformation.

Society's culture, laws, worldview, and perception of difference CAN change.

How?

Through developing trust and reciprocity through the process of cultivating conviviality, which enables us to collaborate on all things that create and build a better future.

Where do we start?

We start building cultures of conviviality in corporates. There are skills and behaviors that allow for grace and connection and what better place to start than in the workplace where culture can be created and recreated? *Image from Free Getty Images