Actions are the only things one truly owns

A lesson I would rather have learned from a social media post instead of one of life’s hard-knocks is how to support someone going through something challenging. Things in our nomad work lifestyle were going great when suddenly our world was thrown upside down by our oldest daughter’s cancer diagnosis. All the plans and well-thought-through travel bookings were thrown to the wind as we hurried back to SA to be by @Pagelotze ’s side. We are blessed to have a strong network of support and we have been constantly washed with words of encouragement through this time. We’ve received helpful, tips from people who have gone through similar things, and memes aplenty. They all fill my heart and remind me that others are thinking of us and it is the actions taken that have had the biggest impact on us. Some include:-

• Personalised recorded messages to our daughter sent to my phone knowing that she would not have the strength to respond to messages.

• Friends who came to the hospital to have tea and bide the waiting time with us. 

• Cooked or easy meals.

• Specific professional skills offered like our GP gave free medical translations, a medical aid consultant, reiki, shiatsu, insurance guidance, and free coaching.  

• Use of a car. 

• Free accommodation with no strings attached.

• The handwritten personal note from a waiter who noticed the sadness on our faces and put a kind and loving note on our table - without knowing the story. (see pic of original note)

• My favourite message so far said “I don’t know how to send prayers, so here are arb pics to wish you strength. This is a cute spider in my garden.”
  

In a moment of extreme pain and frustration, while I was reading all the messages I had received to my daughter, she blurted out “What must I do with your love and light?” I giggled and made a mental note to never again send this message to anyone.  It is not that messages of this nature are unappreciated. They are helpful and encouraging and do support mental fortitude and to use my daughter’s words again, “There is better way” {It is amazing how drugs and pain can magnify truth}

Not everyone has the resources to offer something with monetary value so here are some other ideas of how to support someone facing a hard time:-

1. Offer practical help like running errands, grocery shopping, taking care of pets, garden or plant care or handling household chores. 

2. Just be present without the need for conversation. Just being there to accompany them for hospital visits or appointments, or just sit with them without too many questions and definitely no fixing and rescuing.

3. If you’re not in the same city send gifts that can entertain, distract, or comfort. Send links to relevant videos, music, books, magazines, puzzles, or a subscription to a streaming service. (The sound of a purring cat proved to be particularly soothing for Page.)

4. Create a comforting or relevant playlist of favorite songs or soothing music to help the person relax and find comfort during stressful times.

5. Check in regularly using technology and make sure you say there is no need for a response. Sometimes, just hearing from someone about their daily life is a welcome distraction.

6. Customise your support by paying attention to what the person might need or want. Instead of flowers put together a personalised care package with items that cater to their specific tastes and needs—this could include teas, snacks, cozy socks, or art supplies.

7. Create a memory album or a digital slideshow of happy memories to lift their spirits and remind them of joyful times.

8. Gift a subscription to match their interests—this could be a relevant newsletter, online workshop, online crafts, or wellness products.

9. Offer skill-sharing sessions where you teach them a new skill or hobby through virtual or in-person sessions. This can be anything from how to peel an egg with a spoon to cooking classes, phone photography tips, or anything that will offer a distraction and a new focus.

10. If you’re far away set up regular video calls to watch movies together, play games, or simply chat. 

11.  If possible, and appropriate, offer financial help. For example, medical bills can pile up, and even small contributions add up and can relieve financial pressure. Page set up a Backabuddy campaign when she received her diagnosis as she was told it was going to be an expensive journey and she would not be able to work. 
    

If there is one thing I have learned during our two years of living a nomad work lifestyle it is that ‘things’ don’t matter. Stuff breaks, clothes wear thin, and the need for ‘cool’ accessories is not even on the radar. Actions are the only things one truly owns and what matters is human interaction, connection, shared experiences, and what we choose to do with our time. The next time someone dear to me is going through one of life’s many challenges, I will refer back to this list and make a relevant choice.